· One of the biggest advantages of online dating is arguably one of the most obvious: if they’re on a dating site, you know they’re looking for a date. No more hanging around and trying to figure out whether they’re single, only to be disappointed when they mention their boyfriend an Estimated Reading Time: 4 mins A second reason online dating is fertile ground for the p-d dynamic is because many of the people on these sites are just plain scared of intimacy. They cannot tolerate the closeness, openness · Is the Internet a healthy matchmaker? Given our fast-paced technological times, online dating is perhaps the most popular avenue for finding a mate. It’s also a perfectly suited format for replicating dysfunctional relationship patterns. As made evident in my book,Intrusive Partners – Elusive Mates: The Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic in Couples,the pursuer-distancer cycle(p-d) is one of the
Dysfunctional Online Dating Dynamics: Pursuit and Distance | How Do I Date
Given our fast-paced technological times, online dating is perhaps the most popular avenue for finding a mate. As made evident in my book,Intrusive Online dating dynamics — Elusive Mates: The Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic in Couples,the pursuer-distancer cycle p-d is one of the most common yet challenging relationship patterns cited in the marriage and family therapy literature.
This dynamic consists of one partner pursuing while the other distances; the more the pursuing partner pursues the more the other distances, and vice versa, online dating dynamics. While not a dysfunctional dynamic in and of itself, when chronic or fixed, intimacy is avoided and relationship trouble ensues.
For example, if one partner pursues for sex and the other is rejecting or distances from it on a particular night, little may be made of it; but if this same partner is rejected consistently, the dynamic can then split a couple physically and emotionally. Studies have found that the p-d dynamic was the pattern most responsible for divorce.
While all romance starts with a p-d dynamic, online dating usually begins with a great deal more distance. You can pursue all you want, and many do, but usually to no avail. Clients who work these sites have told me that people disappear even after several e-mails and telephone conversations. Those shocked the most have had wonderful dates just prior to a disappearing act.
Unfortunately, some pursuers cross the line and actually harass or stalk their distancing counterparts—a scary dynamic that women are more prone to experiencing—although this did happen to a male I know.
A second reason online dating is fertile ground for the p-d dynamic is because many of the people on these sites are just plain scared of intimacy. They cannot tolerate the closeness, openness, and vulnerability that a truly intimate relationship requires. Intimacy starts at home. Many of the people on these sites have also been traumatized by a previous relationship.
In some cases their need for control contradicts intimacy. How can you avoid being pulled into a frustrating online p-d dynamic? Take it as such and move on. You may still upset them, but you deserve to be with someone you truly desire. Stephen J. For more than 25 years, Dr. Instead, Dr. Turns out that physical attraction is just part of it. And from there, he delivers real-world advice that teaches couples how to change themselves—and their relationship.
Betchen is the author of numerous professional articles on relationships and makes frequent media appearances. In addition to Magnetic Partners, Dr. Betchen is the author of Intrusive Partners-Elusive Mates.
Your email address will not be published. Often the reasons are deeply irrational. Why do married men pretend to be single online? The obvious Connect with us. Why During The Holiday Season You Need To Date With Caution. Sexual Intercourse From The Sublime To The Ridiculous. If You Are Sick And Tired Of Online Dating This Is Good Advice. The Seduction Paradox: Who Is Seducing Whom? Is the Internet a healthy matchmaker? Continue Reading.
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Online Dating Dynamics. likes · 1 talking about this. App Page · One of the biggest advantages of online dating is arguably one of the most obvious: if they’re on a dating site, you know they’re looking for a date. No more hanging around and trying to figure out whether they’re single, only to be disappointed when they mention their boyfriend an Estimated Reading Time: 4 mins · Is the Internet a healthy matchmaker? Given our fast-paced technological times, online dating is perhaps the most popular avenue for finding a mate. It’s also a perfectly suited format for replicating dysfunctional relationship patterns. As made evident in my book,Intrusive Partners – Elusive Mates: The Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic in Couples,the pursuer-distancer cycle(p-d) is one of the
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